Booger Cannon 2: MAXIMUM MAYHEM

Chapter 1: The Challenge

Three months after becoming the World Youth Precision Sports Champion, Finn McGillicuddy was getting bored.

Sure, he could hit a moving target from 150 feet. Yes, he had sponsorship deals with three different toy companies. And okay, his YouTube channel "Cannon Shots" had 8.2 million subscribers.

But winning had become... easy.

"FINN!" Tyler Jenkins burst into the Precision Athletics Club meeting, waving his phone like it was on fire. "You have GOT to see this!"

Finn looked up from teaching a group of third-graders his basic techniques. "What's up?"

"Some kid from Japan just posted a booger shot video that's going viral!"

"So? Kids post copycat videos all the time."

"Not like this." Tyler held up his phone. "This kid hit a bottle cap from 200 feet. While riding a skateboard. Backwards."

The entire club went silent.

Finn stared at the video. The Japanese kid, who looked about twelve, was wearing a custom uniform that said "SNOT SAMURAI" and had just pulled off a shot that was physically impossible.

"That's fake," Finn said. "Nobody can hit a target that small from that distance while moving."

"Watch it again," Ashley Rodriguez said, looking over Tyler's shoulder. "Look at the angle, the wind resistance calculation, the trajectory compensation. That's real physics."

Finn watched the video three more times. The kid's form was perfect. His accuracy was inhuman. And worst of all, his booger had more power than anything Finn had ever seen—it hit the bottle cap so hard it exploded into dust.

"What's his name?" Finn asked quietly.

"Takeshi 'The Hurricane' Yamamoto," Tyler read from the description. "He's challenging you to a worldwide broadcast match. Winner takes the title of Ultimate Precision Champion."

"When?"

"Two weeks. Tokyo Dome. Live on international TV."

Finn felt something he hadn't experienced since his first day as the Booger Cannon: the possibility of losing.

"Well," he said, grinning, "I guess it's time to find out what I can really do."

But before he could start planning his training, Jeremy Walsh came running into the room with news that would change everything.

"Finn! Emergency! There's a whole ARMY of kids outside who want to challenge you!"

"What do you mean, army?"

"I mean like fifty kids from ten different schools, all carrying custom dart boards and wearing team uniforms. They're calling themselves the 'Precision Posse' and they want revenge for all the kids you've beaten!"

Finn looked out the window and saw what looked like a small army of middle schoolers setting up an elaborate camp in the school parking lot, complete with banners that said things like "DETHRONE THE CANNON!" and "SNOT SHOTS FOR EVERYONE!"

"This," Ashley said, "is about to get very interesting."

"This," Finn corrected, putting on his official Booger Cannon championship jacket, "is about to get AWESOME."

Chapter 2: The Gross-Out Arms Race

The Precision Posse had come prepared for war.

Not actual war—booger war, which was somehow both less dangerous and more disgusting.

"Finn McGillicuddy!" called out their leader, a tall eighth-grader named Rex "Thunder Nose" Patterson. "We challenge you to the Ultimate Gross-Out Olympics!"

"The what now?" Finn asked, walking out to meet them.

"Seven events. Seven different types of precision shooting. Winner of each event gets points. Highest total score wins the title of Supreme Booger Master!"

Rex held up a clipboard with the most elaborate competition structure Finn had ever seen:

EVENT 1: Distance Challenge (longest accurate shot) EVENT 2: Moving Target Mayhem (hitting stuff while it's flying around) EVENT 3: Obstacle Course Chaos (shots that bounce off multiple things) EVENT 4: Speed Round Insanity (most targets hit in 60 seconds) EVENT 5: Precision Microscopy (tiniest target challenge) EVENT 6: Power Destruction (breaking stuff with booger force) EVENT 7: Ultimate Freestyle (most creative impossible shot)

"And here's the best part," Rex continued. "We've been developing ADVANCED AMMUNITION TECHNIQUES!"

The Precision Posse opened their equipment cases to reveal the most disgusting arsenal Finn had ever seen:

Crystal-clear boogers that sparkled in the sunlight. Neon-green goobers that practically glowed. Multi-layered boogers with different colors in rings. Boogers so perfectly spherical they looked like disgusting marbles.

"How did you—" Finn started.

"Diet modification, nasal training exercises, and scientific booger cultivation," explained a sixth-grader wearing a lab coat. "We've been preparing for three months."

"We even brought our secret weapon," Rex grinned, pointing to a kid who looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. "Meet Eddie 'The Fountain' Rodriguez. Show him, Eddie."

Eddie stepped forward, took a deep breath, and produced a booger so massive, so perfectly formed, and so disgustingly magnificent that the entire crowd gasped in awe and horror.

"That's not a booger," Tyler whispered. "That's a booger MASTERPIECE."

"That's impossible," Ashley added. "How is it staying together?"

"Protein supplements and calcium boosters," Eddie said proudly. "Plus I haven't blown my nose in six weeks."

Finn stared at the competition he was facing. These kids had turned booger shooting into actual SCIENCE. They had equipment, strategy, specialized ammunition, and techniques he'd never imagined.

For the first time since discovering his talent, Finn felt genuinely intimidated.

"So," Rex said, "do you accept our challenge, or are you going to hide behind your championship trophy?"

Every kid in the parking lot was watching. News crews were arriving. Someone was already live-streaming this to his YouTube channel.

Finn looked at Tyler and Ashley, who both nodded encouragingly.

"I accept," Finn announced. "But if I win, you all have to admit that the Booger Cannon is still the ultimate champion."

"And if WE win," Rex replied, "you hand over your title and admit that you're yesterday's news."

"Deal," Finn said, shaking Rex's slimy hand.

"Competition starts in one hour," Rex announced. "May the grossest booger win!"

As the Precision Posse began setting up their elaborate course, Finn realized he was about to face the biggest challenge of his career.

But first, he needed to figure out how to make boogers that could compete with THAT.

"Tyler," he said quietly, "how fast can you get to the health food store?"

"Why?"

"Because if they want an arms race, I'm going to give them an arms race. It's time for the Booger Cannon to go NUCLEAR."

Chapter 3: The Ultimate Gross-Out Olympics

One hour later, the Roosevelt Middle School parking lot had been transformed into the most disgusting sporting venue in human history.

Seven different challenge stations were set up with increasingly ridiculous targets. A crowd of at least 200 kids had gathered. Three news crews were filming. Someone had even brought a hot dog cart because apparently, people wanted snacks while watching kids shoot boogers at impossible targets.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Jeremy Walsh announced through a megaphone he'd borrowed from somewhere. "Welcome to the ULTIMATE GROSS-OUT OLYMPICS!"

The crowd erupted in cheers and gagging sounds.

Finn stepped up to the starting line, feeling the weight of his reputation on his shoulders. In his hand was the result of his emergency training session: the most powerful booger ammunition he'd ever created.

Thanks to Tyler's speed run to the health store, Finn had consumed protein powder, calcium supplements, and something called "nasal hydration enhancers" that he was pretty sure were just expensive vitamins. But combined with his natural talent and three months of championship-level practice, he felt ready for anything.

"EVENT ONE!" Jeremy announced. "DISTANCE CHALLENGE! Competitors must hit a target from the maximum possible range!"

Rex Patterson stepped up first. His target was a frisbee placed 180 feet away—farther than anyone had ever attempted in competition.

Rex loaded up one of his crystal-clear precision boogers, aimed carefully, and fired.

THWAAAAAAP!

The booger sailed through the air in a perfect arc and hit the frisbee dead center, sticking to it like supernatural glue.

"180 FEET!" the crowd screamed. "NEW WORLD RECORD!"

Finn felt his stomach drop. That was 30 feet farther than his previous best.

But when Finn stepped up to the line, something amazing happened. All his months of championship pressure, international competition, and constant practice had pushed his abilities to a level he didn't even know he possessed.

He loaded up his nuclear-powered super booger, aimed at a target 200 feet away, and fired with everything he had.

The booger didn't just fly—it SOARED. It traveled in a perfect trajectory, passed the 180-foot frisbee, and hit the 200-foot target with so much force that the target exploded into confetti.

"TWO HUNDRED FEET!" Jeremy screamed. "FINN WINS EVENT ONE!"

The crowd went absolutely insane. Kids were jumping up and down, chanting "CANNON! CANNON! CANNON!"

But Rex and his Precision Posse weren't giving up.

"EVENT TWO!" Jeremy announced. "MOVING TARGET MAYHEM!"

This time, five kids with slingshots were launching tennis balls in random directions while competitors tried to hit them mid-flight.

Eddie "The Fountain" Rodriguez stepped up with his secret weapon—the massive, impossible booger he'd been cultivating for six weeks.

The tennis balls started flying. Eddie tracked them with superhuman precision, loaded his master booger, and fired.

SPLOO00000OOORCH!

His booger intercepted a tennis ball mid-flight with such devastating accuracy that it split the ball in half and kept going until it hit a second tennis ball twenty feet behind it.

"DOUBLE HIT!" the crowd screamed. "EDDIE WINS EVENT TWO!"

The competition was tied 1-1, and it was getting more intense by the minute.

For the next three events, Finn and the Precision Posse traded victories with increasingly impossible shots:

Event 3 (Obstacle Course): Finn ricocheted a booger off three different surfaces to hit a target behind a wall.

Event 4 (Speed Round): A seventh-grader named Maria "Rapid Fire" Gonzalez hit 47 targets in 60 seconds using a technique that involved continuous sneezing.

Event 5 (Precision Microscopy): Finn hit a thumbtack from 100 feet using a booger so small it was barely visible.

By Event 6, the score was tied 3-3. Everything came down to the final two challenges.

"EVENT SIX!" Jeremy announced. "POWER DESTRUCTION! Competitors must break objects using only booger force!"

Rex Patterson had saved his most devastating technique for this moment. He stepped up to a table where five thick wooden boards were stacked on top of each other.

"Nobody can break wood with a booger," Ashley whispered to Tyler.

"Rex apparently can," Tyler replied.

Rex loaded what looked like a small green cannonball, aimed at the wooden boards, and fired with incredible force.

KRAAAACK!

His booger hit the boards with so much power that it broke through all five of them, leaving a perfect booger-shaped hole.

The crowd fell silent in shock.

"That's impossible," Finn said. "Boogers can't break wood."

"Mine can," Rex grinned. "Calcium-reinforced, protein-enhanced, density-maximized super ammunition. I've been working on this technique for months."

Finn stared at the destroyed boards. This was beyond anything he'd ever imagined. Rex had turned booger shooting into actual demolition.

But Finn had one advantage Rex didn't know about: three months of championship pressure had taught him that impossible was just another word for "hasn't been done yet."

He stepped up to an even bigger challenge—a stack of ten wooden boards.

"You're crazy," Rex said. "Nobody can break ten boards."

"Nobody has tried ten boards," Finn corrected.

He loaded his most powerful nuclear booger, took aim, and channeled every ounce of champion-level precision he'd developed.

BOOOOM!

The sound was like a small explosion. Finn's booger didn't just break through the ten boards—it pulverized them into sawdust, kept going, and punched a hole through the fence behind them.

The crowd was completely silent for five seconds.

Then they exploded in the loudest cheer in booger sport history.

"FINN WINS EVENT SIX!" Jeremy screamed. "SCORE IS 4-3! EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO EVENT SEVEN!"

The final event: Ultimate Freestyle. Most creative impossible shot.

And that's when things got REALLY crazy.

Chapter 4: The Impossible Shot

"EVENT SEVEN!" Jeremy announced to a crowd that was now approaching 500 people, including reporters from four different news stations and what appeared to be a representative from the Guinness Book of World Records. "ULTIMATE FREESTYLE! Most creative impossible shot wins the championship!"

Rex Patterson stepped up for the final challenge with a confidence that made Finn nervous.

"I've been saving this technique for months," Rex announced to the crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the RICOCHET RAINBOW!"

Rex had set up the most elaborate target course Finn had ever seen. Seven different mirrors were positioned at precise angles around the parking lot. At the end of the course, 150 feet away, was a target the size of a quarter balanced on top of a pencil.

"The shot will bounce off all seven mirrors and hit the final target," Rex explained. "And to make it more interesting, I'll be spinning in circles while I shoot."

"That's insane," Tyler whispered. "The mathematical calculations alone would require a computer."

"Rex has been practicing this for three months," one of his teammates called out. "He's hit it successfully twenty-seven times in a row!"

Rex started spinning, building up momentum while tracking the complex mirror array. The crowd held its breath as he loaded his most perfect crystal booger and...

THWAP!

The booger launched from his spinning finger, hit the first mirror at the perfect angle, bounced to the second mirror, then the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh...

And missed the final target by half an inch.

"OHHHHH!" the crowd groaned in sympathy.

"So close!" Jeremy announced. "Rex Patterson's Ricochet Rainbow was incredible but didn't quite connect! Finn McGillicuddy, you're up for the championship shot!"

Finn looked around at the expectant crowd, the news cameras, the Precision Posse waiting to see if their challenge would succeed.

He could do a standard impossible shot—something safe that he knew would work. Hit a tiny target from 200 feet, maybe while doing a backflip. That would probably be enough to win.

But standing there, with everyone watching, Finn realized something important: being champion wasn't about playing it safe.

It was about doing things that nobody thought were possible.

"I need ten volunteers," Finn announced.

"For what?" Ashley asked.

"For the most ridiculous shot in the history of precision sports."

Ten kids stepped forward, including Tyler, Ashley, and several members of the Precision Posse.

"Here's what's going to happen," Finn explained. "All ten of you are going to throw different objects into the air at the same time. Tennis balls, frisbees, paper airplanes, whatever. They'll all be moving in different directions at different speeds."

"Okay..." Tyler said slowly.

"And I'm going to hit ALL of them. With ONE shot."

The crowd went silent.

"That's impossible," Rex said. "You can't hit ten moving targets with one booger."

"You can if the booger splits apart at exactly the right moment," Finn replied.

This was completely theoretical. Finn had never attempted anything like it. He wasn't even sure it was physically possible. But three months of being champion had taught him that the only way to stay champion was to keep doing impossible things.

"How are you going to make a booger split into ten pieces?" Ashley asked.

Finn grinned and pulled out his secret weapon: the most complex, multi-layered, scientifically impossible booger he'd ever created.

"Protein core, calcium shell, with ten individual segments that will separate on impact with air resistance," he explained. "I've been working on this theory for weeks. Today, we find out if it actually works."

The volunteers spread out across the parking lot, each holding a different object to throw.

The crowd pressed closer, sensing they were about to witness either the greatest triumph or the most spectacular failure in booger sport history.

News cameras zoomed in. The Guinness representative had his measuring equipment ready.

"On my count!" Finn called out. "Three!"

The volunteers raised their objects.

"Two!"

Finn loaded his experimental split-shot super booger.

"One!"

Ten objects flew into the air in different directions.

Finn aimed at the center of the chaos, calculated the split timing, compensated for wind resistance on ten different trajectories, and fired with championship-level precision.

The booger flew toward the center of the airborne objects and then...

POOF!

It exploded into exactly ten pieces, each one tracking a different target like tiny guided missiles.

THWAP! THWAP! THWAP! THWAP! THWAP! THWAP! THWAP! THWAP! THWAP! THWAP!

Ten perfect hits. Every single object was struck mid-flight and sent spinning to the ground.

For a moment, the entire parking lot was dead silent.

Then the crowd exploded in the loudest cheer in Roosevelt Middle School history.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" Jeremy screamed into his megaphone. "TEN TARGETS! ONE SHOT! FINN MCGILLICUDDY WINS THE ULTIMATE GROSS-OUT OLYMPICS!"

Even the Precision Posse was applauding. Rex Patterson walked over and held out his hand.

"That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen," he said. "You really are the ultimate champion."

"Thanks," Finn replied, shaking Rex's hand. "But you guys pushed me to do something I never thought I could do. Want to be training partners instead of rivals?"

Rex grinned. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious. Together, we could probably figure out even more impossible techniques."

"The SUPER Precision Posse?" Ashley suggested.

"I like it," Tyler added.

As the crowd celebrated and news crews conducted interviews, Finn realized something important: being the best wasn't about beating everyone else.

It was about inspiring everyone else to be better too.

And tomorrow, they were all going to start training for something even more impossible.

The challenge from Japan was still waiting.

Chapter 5: Preparing for Tokyo

Two weeks later, Finn stood in the largest arena he'd ever seen, surrounded by 50,000 screaming fans and facing the most intimidating opponent of his career.

Takeshi "The Hurricane" Yamamoto was everything the videos had promised and more. He moved with the precision of a ninja, the confidence of a champion, and the focus of someone who had never missed a shot in his entire life.

"Finn McGillicuddy," Takeshi said in perfect English, bowing respectfully. "I have studied your techniques. You are worthy opponent. But today, Hurricane will prove superior."

"We'll see about that," Finn replied, bowing back. "May the best booger win."

The Tokyo Dome had been transformed into the ultimate precision sports arena. Targets at impossible distances, moving obstacles, wind machines to simulate challenging conditions, and cameras positioned to capture every angle of what sports commentators were calling "the most anticipated gross-out competition in history."

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the announcer's voice boomed in both English and Japanese. "Welcome to the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP OF PRECISION BIOLOGICAL PROJECTILE SPORTS!"

The crowd erupted in cheers that shook the entire building.

"Competing for the United States: Finn 'The Booger Cannon' McGillicuddy!"

Half the crowd screamed support while waving American flags decorated with green splat patterns.

"Competing for Japan: Takeshi 'The Hurricane' Yamamoto!"

The other half of the crowd went absolutely nuts, chanting something in Japanese that sounded both intimidating and awesome.

The competition format was simple: five rounds of increasingly impossible challenges. Best overall performance wins the title of Ultimate World Champion.

Round 1: Classic Distance - Hit targets at 50, 100, 150, 200, and 250 feet.

Both competitors nailed the first four targets easily. But when they reached the 250-foot challenge—a target smaller than a dime—things got interesting.

Takeshi went first. His technique was unlike anything Finn had ever seen. Instead of a single powerful shot, he used rapid-fire precision, launching three boogers in quick succession that merged in mid-air to create one super-powered projectile.

THWAAAAAM!

Perfect hit at 250 feet.

Finn stepped up knowing he needed something special. He loaded his most aerodynamic booger, calculated wind resistance from the arena's air conditioning system, and fired.

SPLAAAAT!

Another perfect hit.

Round 1: Tied.

Round 2: Moving Targets - Hit objects launched from catapults while blindfolded.

This was where Takeshi's "Hurricane" nickname made sense. Even blindfolded, he could track moving targets by sound alone, firing with supernatural accuracy.

But Finn had learned something from his competition with the Precision Posse: sometimes the best technique is the one nobody expects.

Instead of trying to track the targets by sound, Finn used the crowd noise to time his shots. When the crowd gasped as a target was launched, he fired at exactly the right moment to intercept it.

Round 2: Another tie.

Round 3: Obstacle Course - Navigate boogers through a maze of spinning barriers, moving platforms, and wind tunnels.

Takeshi's boogers moved like they were alive, curving around obstacles and adjusting trajectory mid-flight. It was like watching magic.

But Finn had the experience of three months as world champion. He'd learned to handle pressure, adapt to unexpected situations, and make impossible shots when everything was on the line.

Round 3: Still tied.

Round 4: Power Challenge - Break through increasingly thick barriers using only booger force.

This was where the competition got truly insane. Both competitors had developed boogers with the density and impact force of small missiles.

Takeshi's boogers could punch through six inches of solid wood.

Finn's boogers could punch through eight inches.

Round 4: Finn takes the lead.

Round 5: Ultimate Freestyle - Create the most impossible shot imaginable.

The entire competition came down to this moment. Whoever could pull off the most incredible technique would become the ultimate world champion.

Takeshi went first, and what he did defied every law of physics Finn understood.

He launched a booger straight up into the air, where it hit a precisely positioned mirror, bounced down to hit a second mirror, ricocheted off three more mirrors, split into five separate pieces that each hit different targets, then somehow reformed into a single projectile that traveled another 100 feet to hit a final target the size of a pinhead.

The crowd went completely silent, then exploded in applause that lasted for three full minutes.

"Your turn," Takeshi said, smiling confidently.

Finn looked around the arena. 50,000 people watching. Millions more on TV worldwide. His friends and family in the front row. The Precision Posse wearing "Team Cannon" t-shirts.

He could attempt something safe and probably lose. Or he could try something so impossible that it would either make him a legend or end his career in spectacular failure.

Finn made his choice.

"I need twelve volunteers from the audience," he announced.

"What?" the announcer asked. "For what?"

"For the most ridiculous shot in the history of competitive booger sports."

Twelve people came down from the stands, including some Japanese kids who were huge fans of precision sports.

"Here's what's going to happen," Finn explained to the crowd. "These twelve volunteers are going to form a human chain across the arena. They'll each be holding a different target. And I'm going to hit all twelve targets with one shot that travels the entire length of the arena, hitting each target in sequence."

The crowd gasped. Takeshi's eyes went wide.

"That's impossible," the announcer said. "Even for you."

"Impossible is just another word for 'hasn't been done yet,'" Finn replied, loading the most complex, scientifically advanced, ridiculously overpowered booger he'd ever created.

The volunteers spread out in a line stretching 300 feet across the arena floor. Each held a different target: paper plates, frisbees, balloons, even a few mirrors to redirect the shot.

Finn calculated the trajectory, compensated for arena acoustics affecting air pressure, accounted for the movement of 50,000 people breathing simultaneously, and aimed at the first target.

"This is for everyone who ever told a kid they weren't good enough," Finn announced.

And fired.

The booger began its journey across the arena, hitting the first target with perfect precision, bouncing to the second target at exactly the right angle, continuing to the third, fourth, fifth...

The crowd counted along: "SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! ELEVEN!"

The booger approached the final target—a tiny coin balanced on a pencil 300 feet away.

It struck with perfect accuracy.

The Tokyo Dome erupted in the loudest noise Finn had ever heard. Confetti cannons fired. Lights flashed. The crowd was on its feet screaming in both English and Japanese.

Takeshi walked over and bowed deeply.

"You are true champion," he said. "Hurricane is honored to have competed against Booger Cannon."

"Want to team up and see what we can accomplish together?" Finn asked.

Takeshi grinned. "Hurricane and Cannon make very powerful storm."

As fireworks exploded overhead and reporters swarmed the arena floor, Finn realized he'd learned something important: the best victories are the ones that inspire everyone to reach higher.

Tomorrow, kids all over the world would be practicing precision shots, dreaming of impossible techniques, and discovering their own hidden talents.

And that was the most awesome thing of all.

Epilogue: The Grossest Legacy

One year later, Finn McGillicuddy stood on the stage at the first annual International Youth Precision Sports Festival, looking out at an audience of 5,000 kids from 47 different countries.

What had started as one weird kid shooting boogers at a dartboard had become a worldwide movement of kids discovering that their strangest talents might be their greatest gifts.

There were precision spitball competitions, paper airplane accuracy contests, rubber band target practice, and yes, still booger dart championships (now called "biological projectile sports" in official documents).

"Welcome," Finn announced to the crowd, "to the celebration of everything awesome and weird!"

The crowd erupted in cheers and a variety of gross sound effects from around the world.

In the front row, Finn could see Tyler, Ashley, and the expanded Precision Posse, now numbering over 200 kids who traveled to competitions together. Rex Patterson had become Finn's official training partner and best friend. Takeshi Yamamoto had moved to the United States and was teaching "Hurricane Techniques" to anyone who wanted to learn.

Even Principal Morrison was there, wearing a "Roosevelt Precision Athletics" t-shirt and looking proud instead of horrified.

"A year ago," Finn continued, "everyone told me that being good at weird, gross stuff wasn't a real talent. Today, we know better. Today, we know that there's no such thing as a useless skill—only skills that haven't found their purpose yet."

The crowd cheered again, and somewhere in the back, Finn could hear someone practicing rapid-fire spitball techniques.

"So keep being weird," Finn concluded. "Keep doing impossible things. Keep grossing out adults and amazing your friends. Because the world needs more kids who aren't afraid to be exactly who they are."

As the festival began with demonstrations of the most ridiculous precision techniques ever developed, Finn realized he'd accomplished something better than just being a world champion.

He'd helped create a world where being weird was awesome, where impossible was just a challenge, and where every kid could find something they were amazing at.

Even if it was really, really gross.

THE END

Next Adventure: "Booger Cannon 3: Galactic Gross-Out" - When aliens challenge Earth's champions to the ultimate precision contest, Finn and the gang must defend their planet using the power of disgusting accuracy!

Author's Note: No actual boogers were harmed in the making of this sequel. All techniques described are fictional and should not be attempted at home, school, or in international competition. The author is not responsible for any gross-out incidents, broken records, or accidental world championship victories that may result from reading this book.

Special Thanks: To all the 10-year-old boys who said the first book needed "more gross stuff and bigger explosions." Mission accomplished.